Room of angel
by Gothicragdoll
Summary: Shawn goes to see Yang at her request at the mental hospital. He reminisces his odd relationship with her, and makes his peace with what happened. Shawn/Yang; Whump.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Psych, Dracula (1992), or Room of Angel a song from Silent Hill 4, where I got the title.

Room of Angel

She had called him…or the mental ward had called him, but it was really her. It may not have been her voice, but he could hear it in his head. Her arrogant and yet sad voice in his head. It was always inside his head, ever since the first time he heard it.

"_Be honest with me. You're surprised right? I'm prettier then you thought I'd be." _She flirted and smiled so easily.

Despite what she had done. Despite all that she had been turned into. By someone she was suppose to trust, and he made her into a monster. She smiled so easily. She had deluded herself into thinking that was the best way to get love. The worst part, she had honestly thought that "playing a game" with Shawn would win his love. She had deluded herself into thinking that he loved her. It was kind of sad really. He felt bad for her. How could he possible blame her for wanting love…despite everything. She was a human being, who was hurt…beyond anything he could imagine. She had been deceived by someone who had said they loved her.

The first time she had mentioned marriage he felt disgusted and yet a foreboding feeling. Like a shadow had just passed over him, and stayed with him forever. It hasn't left him. He just couldn't get the thought from his head that she had mentioned it at all. She loved him. It kind of felt odd that someone like her…could be so in love with him. At least he had thought so. It was the feeling that radiated off her body when he was near her. It was the look in her eyes that told him so. The tone in her voice when she spoke to him ever so gently, almost lovingly. The feeling that he got whenever she touched him.

It was an overwhelming feeling. He couldn't help but slowly become consumed by her. He just slowly let her in, and she knew that he would. That's why she persisted. She would have never continued with the endeavor if she thought that he seriously didn't feel anything for her. She knew confusing him would only feed into his obsession and fear.

At first it was out of pity that he had gone, but he had sealed his fate when he visited her that first Wednesday. He had invited the vampire into his house. He let the devil in, and now he is paying for it. With every kiss she steals from him he can feel his soul slowly draining from his body. His life force just leaving him…alone with nothing but her to sustain him. Keep him alive.

She loved him, of that he was sure…or at least he thought so. At times it felt like she was using his confused and disorientated state to control him. With every kiss she possessed a power that dominated him, leaving him feeling vulnerable, weak and fragile. Somehow, he became her possession, her toy, and yet he wanted so badly to believe that it was love. However, his mind told him different. She had only known love in the form of power and dominance. That was what the man, who she called father had done. Shown her his love through his power and dominance. It made sense that she would love Shawn that way. He just wished he had stayed away.

It was like she was Dracula and he was Mina from the 1992 version of Dracula, where Mina had truly loved Dracula. She was besotted by Dracula. She besotted Shawn. Completely and hopelessly besotted by her. He had grown to love her, despite everything she had done and made him do. He couldn't explain it. His obsession had turned to madness long ago…with that first kiss. It had happened so fast that he wasn't sure how that had reached that point in their odd relationship. She had said she loved him afterwards. Her voice captivated him, devoured him and he let her, Why did he let her? Some how he had become desperately devoted to her. It was a morbid adoration. The whole relationship was dark and desolate. It was haunted and enchanting all in one. He couldn't wait for Wednesdays to see her, to touch her, feel her lips on his, to hear her voice tell him she loved him. They obviously never had sex, but she didn't need to demand it from him to keep him coming back. He had given up all other romantic relationships…for her. He had even stopped his relentless flirting. He remained faithful in his own way…to her.

The relationship was not all confusing flowers and butterfly feelings either. He had been thrown out and she sedated before. One incident stuck out in his mind. The time that she had found something sharp and cut his arm…just to see the blood flow from it. He hadn't stopped her, he didn't have the mind to. He was too enthralled by her description of how beautiful his blood was as it pooled on the floor beneath them. He had a morbid fascination for that too, and re-opened the wound later that night and watched it cascaded down onto the floor in his bathroom. It wouldn't have been a big deal if Gus had not caught him doing it. He was furious to say the least. With strength Shawn didn't know he had, slammed him into the wall and demanded to know why he had done something like that. When he had explained to Gus what she had done to him earlier that day, and his strange attraction to seeing his blood on the floor, Gus had forbade him from going back to her. It had lasted only three months before he went back.

Needless to say she was enraged by his absence. She had not done anything because she knew that it would get him kicked out again, but she lectured him about how he was never to leave her alone for that long again…and he didn't. He went back into this routine of seeing her…every Wednesday. He would even drop a case where it lay just to go see her at the same time. The whole station noticed this change in Shawn, but never said anything. Even Lassiter looked like he was concerned, but he never said anything either.

This love, no matter how twisted and morose it was, was the reason he was here. Shawn sat in the car looking up at the mental ward. He was afraid to go in, but knew he had to. He had to say his good bye. If he never did, he just knew he'd regret it forever. It would slowly eat away at him, and it would surely be his demise. This whole hideous relationship had been his demise, his first grave mistake, and now he was paying for it. With all his heart, mind, and soul. Even with its conclusion, he knew that he was so far gone that he could never be who he use to be. It's because of this he slowly grew to hate her. He loved her and despised her all in the same sense. Every time she kissed him she sucked a little more of his life and his love out of him. Staring up at the window of her room before walking in the building he knew that he was numb. He felt nothing for her. He tried to argue with himself that he just didn't know how to feel or he was disbelieving what was happening, but that wasn't the case. He had finally grown to regard her with contempt and disgust. He hated himself for it. He hated himself for having had enough, for not caring that she was ill and requested (demanded, he was sure) his presence.

"_You lie, silent there before me._ _Your tears, they mean nothing to me,_ _The wind howling at the window,_ _The love you never gave,_ _I give to you,_ _Really don't deserve it,_ _But now, there's nothing you can do._ _So sleep, in your only memory_ _Of me, my dearest…"_

They had let him into her room without much dialect or fuss. They had been the one to call him, of course. He hesitated before walking into the room. He was not prepared for the paleness of her body. The white blank mask that had once been her face. She looked like a corpse already. "What happened?" he turned to the doctor beside him and whispered.

"We don't know. There is nothing that can medically explain her condition. We called you because we don't know how much time is left." She said looking grim.

"She's dying?" he whispered. He almost fell to his knees. He just assumed she was sick. They really didn't say much when they had called him. Just that he needed to come right away, and so he did. She needed him, and despite the lack of love he felt for her, he came. She had meant something to him at some point in the past, so he had to come. In his own little way, it was to show that he had, had feelings for her once. He covered his mouth, trying to hide his shock.

"I'm afraid so. I'm am very sorry, Mr. Spencer." She said. She took a step back out of the room, and shut it behind her. She left Shawn staring at her, the white ghost lying in the bed before him. He felt nothing, still. He hated himself for it. He walked forward slowly, and looked down at her. She opened her eyes, and smiled. "You came." She said. Her voice was hoarse and unlike the voice that had whispered love and sweet nothings to him. Tears had started to form in her eyes and she reached for him. He pulled back for half a second and realized what he had done. He knelt down beside her, and hesitantly took her hand in his.

"Yes, I came." He whispered.

"I didn't think you would." She said.

"Why not?"

"Shawn, I know." She said. "You have been treating me much like you did the night I had kidnapped your mother. Like I am a rat, or an insect. I know, but I had hoped you'd come. I am so happy that you did."

"What happened to you?" he asked. His voice still low, almost non-existent.

"It doesn't matter." She said.

"It does." Shawn insisted. "You are a monster, a hideous beast. You're a controlling manipulative abnormality and yet you don't deserve this. Not this end, you were tricked. He tricked you, and you don't deserve to die, not like this."

She laughed at his sudden quiet outburst. "You say it, but you don't mean it. I do deserve this. I have deserved every rejection you gave me, every look of disgust, and every ounce of your hatred for me."

"Did you really love me?" Shawn asked suddenly. "Or was this another game? A way to prove your superiority? Did you love me at all?"

She looked away from him, the tears pouring down her face. "You don't believe me, but I do love you, Shawn. Always did. From the moment we met all those years ago, I knew I'd find a way to make you mine. I…I just didn't know how to show you what you meant to me. I wasn't taught to be affectionate."

"You could have tried harder." Shawn said bitterly. "I loved you, and gave you all the affection in the world to show you how much I loved you, and I feel…"

"Just like one of my victims. I don't blame you, Shawn." She said. "I don't, but you will be my last thought. I know this because I do love you despite how you feel."

"_So insignificant, sleeping dormant deep inside of me,_

_Are you hiding away, lost, under the sewers,_

_Maybe flying high, in the clouds?_

_Perhaps you're happy without me..._

_So many seeds have been sown in the field,_

_And who could sprout up so blessedly,_

_If I had died I would have never felt sad at all,_

_You will not hear me say 'I'm sorry'_

_Where is the light, wonder if it's weeping somewhere?"_

"You have turned away form me, and your heart has hardened toward me, but that changes nothing about the way I feel for you." she said. "You are trying so hard to run away from me, and yet you keep coming back. This will be good for you, for us. You will be able to let go. Let me go, and shine your light to the world again. I know I destroyed the light you had before, but you never let anyone else discourage you. Don't let me win, Shawn. Be the light in other's lives again."

Shawn bowed his head. "I don't know if I can."

"You can, don't let me win." She repeated. "You're right. I wanted to ruin you. I wanted to crush your spirit and make you as desolate and bleak as me. That was selfish of me, and I see it. I've always seen it, but I didn't it anyway."

"Why?" he asked. "Why did you do this to me?"

She looked at him and squeezed his hand as best she could. Her grip weak, and fading. "You have everything that I wanted. You hate what your father turned you into. He embellished your gifts inherited from your mother, making sure that you can never forget anything. Not even the horrible things that have happened to you…and yet I can't help but feel you got the better deal. You and I are one and the same, Shawn. The only thing that separates us is our circumstances. The cards fate dealt us. With your and my gifts our positions could easily be switched, and I hated you for that. Though, I couldn't help but love you at the same time. Your smile, laugh, and the caring and loving way about you. It made me want you for my own."

Shawn shook his head. He had wanted so much for it to be all about love, but he let himself be fooled and beguiled by her.

"You can hate me, but I do love you, Shawn." She said. "I wouldn't take it back for the world in my palm."

Shawn looked at her. He sighed and bowed his head. He leaned forward and kissed her chastely on the lips. She was cold, and it sent shivers down his spine. He tried not to convulse under them, but he couldn't stop it. He got up. "I did love you too. So much." He said grimly. "Even now I wish things had been different. For the both of us." He gave her hand one final squeeze and let go. "Even if you never truly felt the same, I want you to know I did. You became my reason for living. I don't even know what to do now."

"Find a new one." She said. "I know that I have taken a lot from you, but you still have a spark of life enough to move on, and find something else from here. Don't let me win, Shawn."

He nodded. "I won't." he said. "I won't let you drive me insane. I promise you."

She smiled. "Good." She watched as Shawn backed away from her and to the door, and leave.

About a week later he got another call from the mental ward to come again. He decided to have this conversation in person. He walked up to the doctor that had been treating her all this time. She had a box in hand. "Thanks for coming." She said.

Shawn refused to say anything because she was not welcome and it was a problem. He was trying to have a nice clean break from this and here he was being dragged back to the source of his nightmares. When she knew that he wasn't going to respond he held the box out for him to take.

"She didn't have much, but I figured you'd want her stuff." She said.

Shawn shook his head, not moving his hands from his sides. "No." he said. "I don't."

She looked bewildered. "What do you want me to do with it?" she asked.

"Burn it, throw it away, whatever you want with it." He shrugged.

"I'm sorry, I don't understand." She said.

"She let me go." He said. "Keeping this stuff would be going against her last wish."

"What was that?"

"To not let her win." He said. "And I'm not going to let her win."

The doctor didn't know what to make of this. "Then why did you come at all? All this time you had the entire hospital thinking you two were…"

"In it's odd little way, we were." Shawn said. "It was a power play, I hope you understand. That's all it was." Shawn said looking away. It did hurt to admit it. He truly wanted her love. "I'm not going to let her win." He repeated. "So, I think it would be best if I just left." He said. He smiled at her before leaving her in a astonished and confused mess.

"_Here's a lullaby to close your eyes._

_[Goodbye]_

_It was always you that I despised._

_I don't feel enough for you to cry, [oh no]_

_Here's a lullaby to close your eyes,_

_[Goodbye],"_

He took one last look at the place before getting back into the car. He looked at the place, the tree where they would sit for hours and talk. The bench they sat at. The corner where they had their first kiss. It was his closure. His way of letting her go. He sat down in the seat and leaned back. He laughed at himself. He didn't even know her real name. He never called her anything else. It seemed funny to him, but that is the way it was he supposed. Perhaps it was a way to remind him what she was, the reason he had to hate her. "Goodbye, Mr. Yang." He said and drove back to the Psych office.

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**Author's note:** I am not usually one for writing song fics, but I was listening to this song all week, and last and it made me come up with this really odd idea for a yang/Shawn fanfic. I have this odd obsession with Shawn and Yang having some sort of odd and morbid relationship, and I don't know why. It is just an odd preference of mine. I think it'd be kind of cute in Its morbid kind of way. Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it!

**P.S. :** A new district of Unforeseen Consequences will be up tomorrow at late afternoon in the latest. (My time zone, of course.) Thanks for your patients, Guys!


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